I'm rushing home right now and ticking off all the things I have to do. Hopefully, my roommate isn't home and I can have the house to my self. Today, of all ceremonial days, I need to forgo all that friendly chitchat and get on with the project of the evening. Dinner has to be something quick that I can eat between replying to all my e-mails and getting my books together for school tomorrow. Everything has to be multitasked and done in double time because tonight, I am going to do it. Yes, IT.
It is something lore says should be done once in a while, something every psychologist encourages. Today, I am running around to accommodate something that is an everyday occurrence for everyone else, but a once-a-year binge for me. Tonight, after all my chores are done, I am going to bed to cry. My one good cry of the year.
Anyone will tell you, I don't cry - except in church. Jesus always gets me emotional, and church done right can bring me to tears. I'm pentecostal, we're supposed to get all emotional when praying. But other than that, I never, ever, cry. I pout, I sulk, I go for runs, I yell, I go for kickboxing classes. But I never cry.
Why, you might ask? I have always found it to be a rather awkward business. How do you start? Do you first sniff a couple of times? When do you know when to progress to full out bawling? And once you've gotten the hang of that, how do you stop? When do you stop? I always tend to feel awkward on behalf of those I'm comforting the crier, heaven knows I get uncomfortable with a crying person. So to avoid all the drama, I simply stopped crying. I don't know if it was a conscious decision, but either way, the tears dried up.
However, I think all those unshed tears go and build up somewhere because every once in a while, every year or two, I go through a session where everything tears me up. Cartoons, commercials, sappy love songs, things people say to me, things people do to it. It's like my eyes become leaky faucets. So for the last year or so, I decided to schedule crying sessions. I know crying is supposed to be spontaneous and all, but this is all I have to work with.
So now, all my chores are done, my teeth are brushed, my face scrubbed of all makeup, a box of tissues is strategically placed on the pillow next to me and I am in bed, ready for a good bawling session. And after today, I deserve it.
It hasn't really been crappy crappy, but heck, I'm menstrual, my hormones are up in arms and I really really need a good cry. I am indulging in a panic attack. Not that anything is really seriously wrong, but right now, the Earth is just not spinning right for me. I can't fix it, so I simply need to do the girly thing and 'cry it all out'. I know it won't really change anything, but it may just clear my eyes to deal with whatever curve ball life is slinging my way better.
So if you'll excuse me now, my scheduled crying session begins now...
It is something lore says should be done once in a while, something every psychologist encourages. Today, I am running around to accommodate something that is an everyday occurrence for everyone else, but a once-a-year binge for me. Tonight, after all my chores are done, I am going to bed to cry. My one good cry of the year.
Anyone will tell you, I don't cry - except in church. Jesus always gets me emotional, and church done right can bring me to tears. I'm pentecostal, we're supposed to get all emotional when praying. But other than that, I never, ever, cry. I pout, I sulk, I go for runs, I yell, I go for kickboxing classes. But I never cry.
Why, you might ask? I have always found it to be a rather awkward business. How do you start? Do you first sniff a couple of times? When do you know when to progress to full out bawling? And once you've gotten the hang of that, how do you stop? When do you stop? I always tend to feel awkward on behalf of those I'm comforting the crier, heaven knows I get uncomfortable with a crying person. So to avoid all the drama, I simply stopped crying. I don't know if it was a conscious decision, but either way, the tears dried up.
However, I think all those unshed tears go and build up somewhere because every once in a while, every year or two, I go through a session where everything tears me up. Cartoons, commercials, sappy love songs, things people say to me, things people do to it. It's like my eyes become leaky faucets. So for the last year or so, I decided to schedule crying sessions. I know crying is supposed to be spontaneous and all, but this is all I have to work with.
So now, all my chores are done, my teeth are brushed, my face scrubbed of all makeup, a box of tissues is strategically placed on the pillow next to me and I am in bed, ready for a good bawling session. And after today, I deserve it.
It hasn't really been crappy crappy, but heck, I'm menstrual, my hormones are up in arms and I really really need a good cry. I am indulging in a panic attack. Not that anything is really seriously wrong, but right now, the Earth is just not spinning right for me. I can't fix it, so I simply need to do the girly thing and 'cry it all out'. I know it won't really change anything, but it may just clear my eyes to deal with whatever curve ball life is slinging my way better.
So if you'll excuse me now, my scheduled crying session begins now...
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